Zoho Chief Scientist Sridhar Vemba’s latest piece of advice to young entrepreneurs, “get married and have kids in your 20s,” sparked an intense online debate on social media on Wednesday, November 19. Vembua’s call for the youth to fulfill their “demographic duty” did not seem to resonate with the networks, which emphasized “going out” when they were in their 20s.
Posted by Sridhar Vembu
In a post on X on Wednesday, Sridhar Vembu wrote: “My advice to young entrepreneurs I meet, both men and women, is to get married and have kids in your 20s and not delay.”
“I tell them they have to fulfill their demographic duty to society and their own ancestors. I know these ideas may sound quaint or old-fashioned, but I am sure these ideas will resonate again,” Sridhar Vembu said in the post.
He was reacting to a post by entrepreneur Upasana Konidela in which she recalled her experience interacting with students at IIT Hyderabad. She said more men than women raised their hands when she asked, “How many of you want to get married?”
She wrote on X: “I really had an amazing time interacting with the students at
@IITHyderabad. When I asked, “How many of you want to get married?” – more men raised their hands than women! The women seemed far more career oriented!!!! This is the new – Progressive India. 🇮🇳.”
Sridhar Vemba’s reaction to Konidel’s post sparked a debate. Here’s what netizens had to say:
Why people may not want to marry in their 20s: ‘Young people are afraid’
An X user named Gaurav Chaudhary highlighted the fear among the youth of “building a family on unstable wages”. He said: “Everyone is advising 20-year-olds to get married early, but no one is talking about real compromise.”
“Today’s youth are ‘not afraid of commitment’, they are afraid to raise a family on unstable salaries, zero work-life balance and rent that eats up 40% of income,” Chaudhary said, adding that “it’s not a demographic crisis” but an economic one. “Fix it and the hands will go up on their own,” he said.
Vembu supported Chaudhary’s views and said, “I agree with you. My earlier post talked about the crisis of life among young people. But even people who can afford it don’t get married and don’t have children. That’s cultural.”
However, Chaudhary went on to highlight other important challenges that prevent young people from marrying and having children early.
“…even men who can afford marriage hesitate because divorce, custody and alimony laws feel against them. Plus, with divorce rates rising in metros and studies showing that happiness declines after the first few years of marriage, it feels less like a ‘demographic imperative’ and more like a high-risk contract these days,” Chaudhary said.
Why people might not want to get married in their 20s
Chaudhary said that “duties” matter, but people also expect basic happiness from a lifelong partnership. “With divorce rates on the rise and most studies showing that marital happiness declines after the first few years, it’s only natural that they’re cautious.”
“They’re not rejecting marriage. They’re rejecting the punishment + risk of unhappiness if it doesn’t work out,” he added.
Meanwhile, another user, Monica Varma, asked Vemba: “…if I decide to have kids in my 20s, who will compensate me for being on hiatus or even on maternity leave in this cracking career? Yes, I would like to have kids more than anything. BUT that in itself is not my sole purpose in life.”
Vembu then replied, “Life is not a race. There are many opportunities to excel at every age and 30 is a new beginning for many people. I remember getting this advice from my mother and I’m glad I got it.”
“If I were to look at life as a race, I failed compared to Mark Zuckerberg, who is 20 years younger. Did I fail? Somehow I don’t wake up every morning thinking I’ve failed. I have my mother to thank for that perspective on life,” he said.
‘Young adults are not destroyers’: What the research says
A report published by the company Pew Research Center in January 2024 noted that young adults today are marrying much later than their parents’ generation. The average age of adults at their first marriage has increased, she said.
They also delay the birth of children. “For example, 27% of adults aged 30 to 34 had a child in their household in 2023, compared to 60% in 1993,” the report said.
AND 2018 research from the Stanford Longevity Center reported that, on average, people over the age of 25 said they would ideally like to get married by 27, buy a house by 28, and start a family by 29.
However, the extent to which people achieved these goals decreased with each successive generation, with those aged between 25 and 34 the least likely to achieve them.
Tamara Sims, a research fellow at the Center for Longevity, said: “Our findings suggest that young adults are not the life disruptors they have been made out to be… They are indeed marrying, buying homes and starting families later than their ideal age, at a lower rate than other generations, but the decline did not begin with them.”
