A woman took to UK forum Mumsnet to ask how to approach her husband about a so-called ‘sleep divorce’ after years of struggling to get a good night’s rest.
“I love my husband very much, but over the last few years sharing a bed with him has become torture,” she wrote, explaining that his nighttime habits make it nearly impossible to sleep.
She added: “He is constantly fidgeting with a sore shoulder that he insists is nothing to do about it, he snores, farts loudly and gets up to go to the bathroom many times and turns on the light every time.”
Despite her advice that he should limit his fluid intake before bed, the woman said her husband “insists that it (doesn’t) have any effect on him getting up so often.
The woman described other disruptions, saying: “I have pokes in my back and breathing heavily into my face to roll over and also have the duvet pulled or tossed around when I get hot. She also noted that she is rudely woken most mornings by a ‘loud alarm’ set for 5am which her husband ‘snoozes’.”
The resulting sleep deprivation takes its toll. The woman said it was “starting to affect my alertness and I struggle to stay awake during the day”.
“I read on the internet that having separate beds is the first step on the road to divorce. I also read that dysfunctional sleep leads to health problems,” she wrote. “I want to ask for separate beds, but I’m afraid of hurting his feelings.
How people reacted online
Other Mumsnet users acknowledged that discussing “divorce in your sleep” would be difficult, but encouraged her to prioritize her own rest.
“Separate beds/rooms to begin with? It would drive me crazy if I didn’t get a good (night’s) sleep,” one user wrote, while another added: “You can’t live like this forever just to potentially hurt his feelings.”
Another contributor criticized her husband’s lack of compromise, saying, “I wouldn’t give a damn about his feelings in this situation because he clearly doesn’t care about yours unless he’s willing to cut back on his coffee. That almost certainly explains the wiggle.”
Several users have shared their own positive experiences with sleeping alone. “Separate bedrooms (are) honestly the best thing we’ve ever done,” one person wrote. “Neither of us would go back to sharing and enduring sleep deprivation again.
“I know many couples (including us) who sleep apart,” added another. “It might be great for the sleeper, but being the sleeper sucks. Why are his feelings more important than your well-being?”
The same user offered a handy tip to ease the transition: “Suggest sleeping in the same bed a few nights a week if you want to soften the blow!”
